Flight of the Conchords Hiphop-Potamus Vs. Rhymenocerous lyrics

Bret:
They call me the rhymenocerous
Not because I’m fat
Not because I’ve got birds on my back
Because I’m horny, I’m horny
When I’m on the mic
I’m like global warming
You can’t ignore me
In the bedroom I’m the gentleman
All the ladies come before me
Check your yellow pages I’m a registered rhymenaecologist
Now I’m passing over the mic to the hiphop-potamus

Jemaine:
They call me the hiphop-potamus
My lyrics are bottomless

Bret (spoken)Is that it?
Jemaine(spoken)Yeah

Bret:
Sometimes my rhymes are obscene
Described as smutty, pornographic scene that’s r18
They’re so filthy, I feel guilty
I have to rinse my mouth out with Listerine
Like when I rap about those bitches smothered in margarine
Hahahaha
(gun sound affects)
(spoken)Sorry about that, that was a bit violent
Sorry about that one, you have a go

jemaine:
They call me the hiphop-potamus
cause I got flows that glow like phosphorous
Poppin off the top of this oesophageus
Not because I’m a water dwelling mammal from Africa
Called a hippopotamus I’m not a hippopotamus, I’m a hiphop-potamus
Where did you get the preposterous hypothesis that I was a hippopotamus?
Did Steve tell you?
What’s he got to do with it?
Bloody Steve!!

both guys:
Other rappers diss me
Say my rhymes are sissy
What, what, what, why, why, why?

jemaine:
Be more constructive with your feedback

Bret:
Because I rap about reality
both guys:
Like me and my grandma having a cup of tea?
Ain’t no party like my nana’s tea party
Hey-ho

bret:
Freestyle, hiphop-potamus you do some freestyling
jemaine:
I’m freestylin just on the microphone
On the bbc, on the bbc
I’m just freestylin on the bbc
Um British broadcasting company
i’m just basically making this shit up as I go along
Basically just free
Just basically from the top of my dome
Sometimes it’s not so good

My rhymes are so potent that in this small segment
I made all the lady listeners pregnant
Yeah that’s right, sometimes my lyrics are sexist
But you lovely bitches know, should know
I’m trying to correct this

Flight of the Conchords Business Time Lyrics

Aww yeah
That’s right baby.
Girl, tonight we’re gonna make love. You know how I know, baby? ’cause it’s Wednesday. And Wednesday night is the night that we make love. Tuesday night’s the night that we go and visit your mother, but Wednesday night is the night that we make love. ‘Cause everything is just right, conditions are perfect. There’s nothing good on TV. Conditions are perfect. You lean in close and say something sexy like, “I might go to bed I’ve got work in the morning.” I know what you’re trying to say baby. You’re trying to say, “Oh, yeah. It’s business time. It’s business time.”

It’s business.
It’s business time.
That’s what you’re trying to say you’re trying to say let’s get down to business it’s business time.

It’s business.
It’s business time.
Next thing you know we’re in the bathroom brushing our teeth. That’s all part of it, that’s foreplay. Then you go sort out the recycling. That’s not part of it but it’s still very important. Then we’re in the bedroom. You’re wearing that ugly old baggy t-shirt from that team building exercise you did for your old work. And it’s never looked better on you.

Oh, team building exercise ‘99.

Oh, you don’t know what you’re doing to me.
I remove my jeans but trip over them ’cause I still got my shoes on. But I turn it into a sexy dance.
Next thing you know I’m down to just my socks and you know when I’m down to just my socks what time it is…it’s time for business. It’s business time.

It’s business.
It’s business time.
You know when I’m down to just my socks it’s time for business that’s why they call it business socks.

It’s business.
It’s business time.
Oh.
Ooh, makin’ love.
Makin’ love for two.
Makin’ love for two minutes.
When it’s with me you only need two minutes, ’cause I’m so intense. Two minutes in heaven is better than one minute in heaven. You say something like, “Is that it?” I know what you’re trying to say. You’re trying to say, “Aww yeah, that’s it.” Then you tell me you want some more. Well I’m not surprised. But I’m quite sleepy.

It’s business.
It’s business time.
Business hours are over. Right, right.

It’s business.
It’s business time.

Flight of the Conchords Jenny Lyrics

Bret: Hello.

Jemaine: Hi.

Bret: Hello man sitting in the park.

Jemaine: I just said hi, woman in the park.

Bret: How you doin’?

Jemaine: Mmm…good thanks.

Bret: Your looking good.

Jemaine: Pardon?

Bret: I said you’re looking good.

Jemaine: Fair enough.

Bret: …Jenny

Jemaine: Pardon?

Bret: Jenny

Jemaine: No I am sorry I think you’ve mistaken me for somebody else

Bret: No it’s me, I’m jenny, my name is Jenny

Jemaine: Oh You’re…oh… Ha ha ha ha… I thought… oh… what a hilarious misunderstanding.
Nice to meet you Jenny

Bret: We’ve met before – quite a few times actually.

Jemaine: Yes of course we have. I meant it was nice to meet you that time that I met you. Where was it that we met that time that I met you when I met you?

Bret: At a party.

Jemaine: That’s right! Wasn’t it one of those boring work parties?

Bret: No.

Jemaine: That’s why I said wasn’t it. It was the party of a mutual friend. – Was it? – Wasn’t it? – Was it? – Wasn’t it?

Bret: Yes it was.

Jemaine: Yeah, I thought so. Oh…Bobby’s.

Bret: No

Jemaine: Doug’s?

Bret: No

Jemaine: D-dog’s?

Bret: No

Jemaine: Maxwell’s?

Bret: No

Jemaine: Andy’s?

Bret: Yes Andy’s

Jemaine: Yeah Andy’s party, ooh that’s right. Ooh, Andy knows how to throw a party, doesn’t he Jenny?

Bret: Yeah, I love Andy’s parties!

Jemaine: I love Andy’s parties. What crazy parties. How is that guy anyway?

Bret: She’s good

Jemaine: Ooh that’s right, Andy hates it when I forget that.

Bret: We watched a movie.

Jemaine: Yeah…it was something like but not necessarily Schindler’s List. We watched it and we wept

Bret: It was Police Academy 4. We went for a walk

Jemaine: On our feet if I remember correctly.

Bret: We walked to the top of the hill and we ate sandwiches.

Jemaine: Oh, We’d just grab a sandwich and put it in our mouths. Oh, that’s the only way to have sandwiches. Oh Jenny, tell me do you still walk? Do you still get into sandwiches in a big way?

Bret: Still walk a lot but I am not eating as many sandwiches as back then

Jemaine: Uh…

Bret: Do you remember what we did up there at the top of the hill?

Jemaine: Kind of…

Bret: We were standing at the look out

Jemaine: Oh, I remember exactly what we did at the look out. We just looked out… across the city from our little spot on the hilltop. Oh, It is so pretty from way up there. We talked about how the lights from the buildings and cars seemed like reflections of the stars that shined out so pretty and bright, that night.

Bret: It was daytime.

Jemaine: The daytime of the night.

Bret: Do you remember what you said to me?

Jemaine: Not word for word actually Jenny, but I remember there was some verbs.

Bret: Well you said meet me here in one year. You just needed some time to clear your head, and you seem to have done that.

Jemaine: La la la la la la la la la la la la la.

Bret: We have a child.

Jemaine: Pardon?

Bret: We have a child.

Jemaine: Why didn’t you tell me, Jenny? Why didn’t you tell me that day when we went to the top of the hill and we made sweet, oh how we made such sweet, sweet sandwiches. Does it have my eyes, my way with words? Does it look like me at all?

Bret: No, not at all ’cause we adopted him. I can’t believe you don’t remember, it was a very difficult process!

Jemaine: Oh…uh, oh…are you sure that was me Jenny?

Bret: Yes I am pretty sure that it was you, John.

Jemaine: I’m Brian

Bret: Oh my god! I’m so sorry!

Jemaine: Don’t worry.

Bret: Now that’s terrible.

Jemaine: Oh, don’t worry.

Bret: Oh, how embarrassing!

Jemaine: Don’t worry Jenny, I’m actually quite relieved. That kind of thing just happens all the time, I just got one of those faces I suppose

Bret: So does John, ha, he’s got one of those faces as well…

Bret and Jemaine: *awkward laugher*

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